I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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