You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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