Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
