I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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