When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
What a dumb baby whore.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
