Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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