That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Randomize
