That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
