its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We had to coat check the pizza.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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