At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
