Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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