White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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