You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
