I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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