But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
