Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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