My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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