While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
