sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
