for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
