Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
