he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize