So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
