Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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