so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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