Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
