i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
