break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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