I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
