Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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