3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
