Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
