There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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