my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
