Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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