Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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