I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
