You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
