I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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