get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He better not be in your backpack
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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