she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
