I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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