the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish I only lived at night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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