I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
