dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
