i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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