no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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