woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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