is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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