I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize