I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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