My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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