Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
