Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
