Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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