I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
