There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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