i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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