we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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