Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
