I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
