last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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