You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
