I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
