Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
