Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
