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bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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