dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
