drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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