how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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