my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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