i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
