Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
