I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
