end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
