Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
