our cab driver is having phone sex.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
