No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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