Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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