when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
