You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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