do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
