I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
