The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
