I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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