Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize