at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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