is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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