Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
