He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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