Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
how can u be prego again
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
