you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
