he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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