I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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