So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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