Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
