I wish you could order shots online.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
