Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
BRING THE BAGELS
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
