We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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