She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Soap is not a condiment
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
