This girl is more easily done than said...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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