well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
only you would photoshop your dick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I party with great urgency now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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